Why are there no Mac viruses?

[Originally posted Sept. 2, 2009 on Fortune.com]

There are, as far as we know, no Mac OS X viruses in the wild.

To prove that assertion wrong, you only have to name one.

Academic proofs of concept and theoretical vulnerabilities don't count. Neither do computer worms, Trojan horses, spyware, adware, spam or any of the other nasty species in the zoology of malware.

That eliminates Inqtana-A, iBotNet, MacSweeper and a handful of other examples of Mac malware usually trotted out at this point by PC apologists. Nor can you count the 10-second Zero Day Pwn2Own Safari exploit that got so much press attention last March. None of these, strictly speaking, were viruses.

The issue comes up anew because Apple's (AAPL) latest Get a Mac ads are once again hammering Microsoft (MSFT) for those "thousands of viruses" to which its operating systems and application suites are heir. And that, in turn, has led to a resurgence of comments in this space to the effect that a) Macs are just as vulnerable as Windows machines and b) the only thing that protects them is their miniscule market share.

Those ideas, while widely promulgated on the Web, are wrong. The fact that Mac OS X represents less than 4% of the worldwide installed base of computers might explain why there are fewer Mac viruses. But it wouldn't explain why there are none.

So what's the answer?

First, let's define some terms.

Putting lipstick on Microsoft's pigs

[Originally posted Aug. 6, 2009 on Fortune.com]

At the end of a long report on the Apple Stores -- and the corner he believes they have turned -- Needham analyst Charles Wolf turned his attention this week to Microsoft (MSFT) and its plans to launch a fleet of company-branded stores of its own, complete with wall-sized digital screens, spaces for free public events and "Guru" bars to deal with customers’ software complaints.

Let's hope Steve Ballmer isn't on Needham's mailing list, because Wolf's two-page description of Microsoft's efforts and its products may be most dismissive ever produced by a Wall Street analyst. He even goes so far as to evoke the old lipstick joke that got Barack Obama in so much trouble with Sarah Palin during the primaries.

"Microsoft has always touted itself as an innovator," Wolf begins in a section entitled The Sincerest Form of Flattery. "But the company’s true genius has stemmed from its ability to copy the ideas of others."

And the company it's most fond of copying, he says, is Apple (AAPL).

All about Microsoft's "Lauren"

[Originally posted March 31, 2009 on Fortune.com.]

Her hair is red, her eyes dark brown, her physique slim. She stands 5'2" in her stocking feet and weighs 113 lbs. in her birthday suit.

Her name is Lauren De Long, and she set a million geek hearts aflutter with her spunky performance in the now famous "you find it, you keep it" PC ad, in which she chose an HP (HPQ) Pavilion running Microsoft (MSFT) Windows Vista Home Edition over any computer in the Apple (AAPL) store.

She also set off Apple 2.0's hottest flame war — 402 comments and counting — with the line "I'm just not cool enough to be a Mac person." (See How Microsoft put Apple owners on the defensive.)

She was supposed to be an ordinary American who answered a Craigslist ad for a market-and-research job and to her surprise found herself starring in a multi-million dollar Microsoft advertising campaign.

But a little inspired sleuthing by the wife of a Seattle-based investigative reporter turned up her film and television credits, her Now Casting bio and resume, her IMDB listing, her MySpace photo gallery and her official website.